As someone also born and raised in the south, I think southern is too broad a term for what you mean. I would say that the confederacy and the battle standards are not part of the Southern Identity. I would associate the identity of Family Food & Religion with it more so. While it was only a 4 year period, the Confederacy represented a deep mistrust between two halfs of a country that each operated differently and that mistrust was there even before the revolution. Is it stupid that some of monuments are being removed or renamed? No not really, while I do think its not worth the effort to do so now. They never really should have been raised in the first place, I dont believe there is a single country that has memorialized the losing side of a civil war to that extent. I dont think it worth the effort to remove them now, like just make it a government property and make it a civil war museum. As the main goal of museums is to properly educate and give context on the
Part of the issue with the people and generals who were idolized is that they forget that these people were not loyal to the "Idea of the Southerner" but to each their own state. Which is why it was made as a confederacy as a structure as they hated the idea of a central entity having sway over them. They viewed the North as tyrannical because they felt their way of economy and by extension way of life would be upheaved if a certain thing was changed. The average person in the war was fighting for their state or for the sake of an adventure rather than the actual ideals of the war.
The issue with this and you even addressed this before in your previous paragraph, is that white supremacy is exactly what it is associated with even if it is not what it represents. Which probably is a perception that will not change for a long time. I get your personal justification Jason but regardless you have to acknowledge the historical context surrounding its perception and understand that its underlying trigger and motive for happening is not as noble of an intention as you may understand it.
Of course you are free to interpret its history as you want, but that does not change the facts upon which it was based.